Heather Havrilesky is an advice columnist who shares her experience of how romance feels in a long-term marriage. People often associate the feeling of romance by that thrilling moment when you are certain that you have found the right person to spend the rest of your life with. It is an adrenaline rush like no other. You feel like everything in the world is going in your favor, being in that phase. Your other half seems like the most perfect human on earth. However, like everything has an expiration date, this flabbergasting feeling comes to an end, as well, and exactly when you start wondering about whether things are actually going okay or not, you start doubting if you care enough for the other person. Will there come a time when the other person stops loving you or wanting you? Is he actually as good as he seems to be? Well, that is what traditional romance is all about.
However, that is not the only kind of romance that exists. Once you get married to your significant other, there is a whole different experience waiting for you that you get to share. It is not like that high-school fling, and it is definitely not being able to be aware of every move of the other person. Don’t think you’ll be getting flowers as a symbol of showing how much your partner loves you. There will not be sunsets where your lips will meet each other. All those dreamy romances are limited to the newlyweds or when you are in the dating phase. When you see actions and not just words claiming to love you, it does feel nice.
When you are married, even if you find no such proof of affection, what you have seems more valuable then. What feels even more romantic, or what gives off a different kind of romantic feeling, is the liberty to feel like a human. You don’t have to care about feeling abandoned. That feeling of acceptance, regardless of how you look, feel, or smell even. The fights over the same things again and again. Everything else becomes secondary when you have someone to share it with.
As Havrilesky tells us, she was sick this once suffering from a disease, and it got so worse that she ended up passing out in the bathroom. She hit the bathtub and hit her ribs on the way. When her husband saw her lying and hurt, he obviously was not happy about it, but he did take care of her and the situation without any complain. Now would you singles out there believe that this is also a form of romance? And may even be of the best kind? It sure feels so much better about being taken care of that way, than it may feel while receiving flowers. That, right there, is also Havrilesky’s definition of sexy, believe it or not.
It is definitely one thing to go out for a fancy dinner with your potential partner and spend some quality time alone. You and your person may just want to do it over and over again till forever. The thought is enough to give you butterflies, two lazy lovers, devouring booze and having fun.
Want to know what beats that? Imagine growing a baby inside you. A whole person in your belly waiting to get out in the world, and that person is also just yours. That is when you experience that other kind of romance. When your partner helps you throughout that magical journey. Sharing all the sleepless nights together, the pain, the struggle, and stress. It all makes it worth in the end when you and your spouse share the bed once the baby is dozed off. It is then when you realize the importance of your partner being there for you. That feeling is what you have never experienced before. It almost feels unreal. To be loved even in your most vulnerable state.
Now, that is romantic!
Years go by, and you feel less exhausted. You are no longer required to wake up multiple times a night. The responsibilities are somewhat less, but now you’re older. Everything hurts more than before, and each time you confess things like OWW, MY ASS HURTS! yes “Oww, My ass hurts” also becomes romantic enough to fill your heart with the crazy love you have for each other.
Don’t believe anyone who tells you not to get married, because it gets boring, or your partner starts loving you less. It does not happen. You, as a couple only start finding love in different actions than you used to before, and there seems to be nothing wrong with that as long as it makes you the happiest.